Really.

Difficult weeks of school filled with mistakes and miscalculations teach me many things, but there’s one that resonates to me most.

It’s one that is most important, something that I have to remember even when I’m out of school and in work, or just already following my dreams and living my life. It’s one thing that will save me a lot of stress when weeks of difficulties and hard lessons come by again.

It’s this: I may make mistakes, I may fail, and I may find myself at the edge, but it’s not gonna do me any good if I’m not gonna honest about it with God. If I don’t admit and fall on my weakest at his lap, I can’t really appreciate His strength in me. If I’m not gonna depend on Him at my most difficult, then where am I gonna get the strength.

It’s just Him. And He deserves my honesty.

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5 Days to Go

It’s the second day of 2014 here in the Philippines, which means that I have 5 days left before classes resume, before I finish all the homework I have boldly set aside two weeks ago. I have two precises to write, several articles to read, an exam to prepare for, and a lot of planning to do for major subjects.

But I’m not afraid, unlike before. I am only overwhelmed right now; I can’t properly focus on these articles for political science because I am so amazed that God is with me right now, doing all these very hard things. There’s also this truth that they cease to be hard hard because He’s the One doing all of them through me.

I know right now that the only thing that is required from me is willingness: willingness to let Him work and willingness to trust Him that all this time spent on schoolwork is not in vain. I will finish these things.

God is like that– He does not condemn you about your failures (“You should have started on this weeks ago!”). He helps you. He showers His grace and blessings upon you, and in the process, in the peak of that amazing moment, you learn and you grow in Him. You learn about why it went wrong, and that experiences fills you with life. This is what I’m experiencing now.

I did not only learn about not cramming. I learned about trusting Him more (God always teaches me about that, but I’ve also learned that there’s not such thing as being able to trust God too much). I learned that His presence– that you feel in your heart and you can’t wrap your mind around– is not only available when you’re worshiping or praying, it is also there when you’re reading about state and business relations, or writing summaries of long political book chapters.

God is a very intimate Father. A very supportive Father. It’s amazing.

There are only 5 more days to go till this vacation ends, but I’m excited now for more of Him. I’m still nervous about what awaits me for the rest of this semester because last year was pretty traumatic, but I know that His superabounding grace surrounds me. Father God promised that He’s with me and I won’t make the same mistakes again, and that’s the promise I am going to get. I believe that.

In the meantime, I will read these articles. With Him. Enthusiastically.

Bucket of Joys (Vol. 1)

This is my own version of “The Happy List.” I decided to call it Causes for Celebration because right now, these are the things that God is showing me. He shows me the reasons why my life is worth celebrating and thanking Him for. This is going to be a journal of everything I’ve seen and am going to see.

I am also calling these lists Buckets of Joys for no other reason than that they are a bucket of my joys in many episodes of my life.

So here goes for the 19th of October, 2013!

  1. Graced Grades. I’d been receiving grades that are higher than what I expect and more than what I deserve. God is good. Enough said.
  2. My first “pay.” I helped an upperclassman in our college do some data gathering for his thesis. It’s my first time to work for someone I really do not know, so I was determined to do my best, and be a blessing. He’s paying me, of course, and I’m planning to spend it on refreshing my supply of highlighters, pens, post-its, and food for the sembreak.
  3. Books. I have two weeks off from college. My books are waiting in my room. I need not explain further. I missed them.
  4. Quiet times. Lord, You have been bringing back in me the zeal to spend time with You in Your Word more. It is the best gift ever.
  5. Christmas is near. Yes, please.
  6. My parents who keep on letting me eat. And not judging me about my weight. There may be jokes thrown sometimes in the dinner table, but they’re all out of love.
  7. Coffee. Being at home means that I can, once again, enjoy my own blend of coffee.
  8. New word: “Grace-fueled.” It was introduced to me a while ago by my friend. I fell in love with the word instantly.
  9. Hyperactive tweeting of friends. So fun to just be a silent spectator as they tell strangers about their lives.
  10. Stalking blogs. This is what I do when I surf the web, lately. I am blessed to just read about the lives of people I do not know, and see how God is writing their stories. It sometimes makes me wonder what other people feel when they read my blogs.

Anyway, I am a grateful kid today. And I am learning how to be more and more grateful each new day.

A Letter to My True King

Hi Jesus.

I just want to thank you for everything. By everything, by the way, I mean everything. You’ve done so much for me in the past few months. My life will not be this way if it weren’t for you. Honestly, I think it could have been worse. But you were for me to shine the light; you were more than my guide in this world, Jesus. You are so much more; you are my hope.

So I want to thank You– not for the things you’ve given me, or the specific events that have happened, though. I am thankful for all of them, but right now, I am writing this because I want to thank you for YOU. I could have gotten everything I needed, and the things that have happened could have happened, but they will not be the same without you.

So thank you because first, you came in my life. You really came and pursued me, even though it was clear that I did not want you; that I thought I did not need you. Still, you did not give up on me. You were forever good, and you were always there for me, insisting that you loved me so much. Thank you, because if you gave up, I would not have known about your love. I would not have known that it was what I needed all along.

Second, thank you because you are my king, not anyone else. I am so grateful now to know that I am not the captain of my life. You are. It’s not up to me; it’s up to you. You are the one leading during the battles, and you are the one carrying me during the hard times. You are the one holding me—and tightly—not the other way around. Jesus, my life would have been really pathetic if it you did not secure it. But in your grace, even if I did not deserve it, even if it was too good to be true, you are the one taking care and reigning over my life. And sometimes, even when I don’t acknowledge you in my life, even when I follow other things instead of you, you were still faithful.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you so much.

Thank you because you are grace. Thank you for all you have done. Thank you Jesus, because you are you. I could never have asked for more than you. You are my comfort whenever I am down. You are my faith whenever I lacked. You are my strength. You are my foundation and anchor when everything else fails. You are always there for me. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I sometimes—no always—mess up and disappoint you, but you keep on picking up, and embracing me with your grace.

I love you, Jesus. Thank you so much.